Stories Through Music

I haven't expressed myself in months, creatively. I have no idea if anyone besides my mother and a couple friends read my posts anyway - so the following may not make much sense. If it sounds complicated, I certainly don't want to waste any one's time on the weekend. Just delete and go on to the next message.

Emails off, phone off. Today is my day to write. Even though this isn't a dream, it is however, the stuff dreams are made out of. And today is about Ulrich's live performance. For those who know his music, you always know the titles of these pieces that he plays - but as I've said before, titles mean nothing to me. Its the feeling that I myself get, from the music. Just because something may be labeled "venice beach" from some band doesn't mean that's what it is about. As I grew up listening to classical pieces that were labeled strictly as "minuet in G flat" etc for this sense, I still believe that.

I listen to Ulrich's Live Performance a few times a week. He performed this in 2009 and I sometimes share it on Facebook, though no one listens. Regardless, I'm always analyzing the feel and emotion from each of his pieces - 'tis my nature. Plus its symbolic for whom I am on the inside and the type of mindset I often can be in. I know that I am not understood. I know that I am not seen as who I truly am; I mean, who is? Can we truly know someone completely? I don't even think we are meant to.

However, here are my thoughts on his performance, block by block. Feel free to just scan through this: the emotions and thoughts might be fun.

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Minute 1:45-5:20 - "Home"

This piece is warm. Comforting. I feel as if I am snuggled up under many warm blankets, near a fire while snow is silently falling outside. I feel as if I am in a cottage somewhere, away from everything, looking at someone I love peacefully.

Minute 5:30-7:45 - "Indulgence"

There is something so decadent and delicious about this. I feel as if I'm floating on air, falling gently into our most wanted indulgence that we have on the inside. Its a beautiful feeling, as all of these pieces are.

Minute 8:30-11:20 - "Isolation"

Innerness. An isolated beauty. On top of a mountain at dawn. No one for miles, the sound of wind and you are there with you and you only.

Minute 11:30-13:15 - "Delirium"

Dizziness. Insanity. Delirious realization of something that makes us turn cartwheels on the inside. Holding back but fighting to keep it from exploding out.

Minute 13:35-19:50 - "Intensity"

A groove, an excitement, racing, speeding, a rawness, a strength that comes out of us at the most unforeseen times. Usually seen in the young, always there in the old.

Minute 25:00-31:10 - "Awe"

Standing in a temple, staring up at the ceiling. Looking at someone we love as they accomplish something amazing. Being silent as someone speaks, filling our hearts with knowledge, and our minds with barriers. The wind giving birth to a tree branch moving. Looking up at the sky, and witnessing a cloud go over the sun, and watching it change the entire shadow upon the landscape. The ocean waves, living a life, each crash at a time.

Minute 31:40-37:00 - "Reaching"

Yearning for understanding. Holding our head down while holding our hands out towards the sky. Longing for one touch, hoping for one acknowledgement. Attaching ourselves to the painful denial of change.

Minute 38:00-42:30 - "Forgiveness"

Delicate love, blissful wave of reliefs, and letting go. Letting go, is one of the most powerful emotions one can express and feel. The action of letting go and forgiving, opens up a million more doors when one thought they were all closed.

Minute 43:00 - 46:33 - "Acceptance"

Through acceptance, we learn. Through acceptance, we being stronger. We are finally able to see clearly. This is, by itself, something that has no words.

Minute 47:00-51:00- "Happiness"

Celebration time. Dancing. In love. Laughing. Covering a smile and then letting it go. Looking into their eyes and seeing bliss. A deep connection. Victory. Sharing. The beauty of communication. The beauty of a human being.

(Minute 51:50-1:00:15 - "Vengeance")

(Revenge? Anger? or Passion? Lust, perhaps? There's something primal about this. Either way, I'd hate to be on the receiving end of this feeling. True fans know what the title of this song is, so that explains it all, however, I think its pretty symbolic of how powerful our negative, pointless, wastes of unproductive emotions can become. Easily overtaken - easily believed - easily, we make it a law. )

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Besides the last piece -Usually when I listen to this entire performance, it's almost a kind of cleanliness for me, cleaning out all of the emotions and chaos that I've gone through. When I listen, I go through all of these emotions and feel relaxed and comfortable after hearing it -like I've done a daily exercise, or a Zen like meditation. Honestly, I usually end it after hearing the "Happiness" piece, because then it gets so intense and crazy with that last one, its doesn't put me in a relaxed state at all - however it still is beautiful. But besides that last one, the entire performance has a living story to it. A life being born, a story being told to us. This is why I'm very happy he agreed to be my composer for my first feature film, and this is why I'm happy that I discovered him; for he brings out in me, a reminder of the beauty that others have, and that I have inside me.

The beauty of being alive. :)

http://soundcloud.com/astrangelyisolatedplace/ulrich-schnauss-audioriver-2009-promo

Hello and Transform

Its a night, in a suburban neighborhood and I'm walking through blocks of houses, lots of trees, your standard family street. Its midnight, and its quiet and windy and cold. I'm apparently to meet someone somewhere. I come to their house, and there are tons of kids in their 20s partying in some house with loud music. A bunch of people are standing on the corner of the street, smoking and talking loudly. I walk over to them and they all say hello and introduce themselves. Meanwhile I'm rubbing at some open sore on my face that seems itchy. A guy comes out of the mess of people, has glasses and dark hair. I realize he's the person I'm supposed to meet and I walk to him. He says hello and he smiles, and before we can start talking, it gets louder and more obnoxious. I realize I'm with a bunch of young party goers and I decide, "the hell with this" and leave.

I keep walking down the streets for a while, and then I suddenly crouch down behind someone's car in their driveway. The sore on my face becomes wider and one large eye comes from it. I reduce in size in this small green fat body. So I'm this little short green thing running around with one large eye. Except I'm seeing everything from its point of view, like a cam shot in a movie.

I'm running along the streets fast, and a bear comes out from someone's backyard and growls at me...I keep running. Then I see a cat and it ignores me. Then a dog sees me and starts to run after me. I run even faster and I lose it somehow. All this is happening in the middle of the night among a bunch of people's houses. I stop and see a pack of wolves looking at me from someone's living room window. They somehow get out and come up to me. I make some high nervous noise and they start barking. I run off.